reposted request...

I did put this in an email I sent to some dear friends recently, but I thought I'd repost it here for those of you who read my blog and whom I forgot or don't have email addresses for...


11/26/06-----------
I'm doing well... tired, though.. :) and more tired of working than tired physically...

I do like my working- the working with the residents and such, anyway... talking with them, helping them, etc... It's the forgetting things/dealing with my coworkers... One of whom, Stephanie, seems to be frustrated with my slowness and ignorance... and she frustrates ME by treating me like I'm pathetic and I'm going to forget everything, just because I forget something ONCE... I will at least say to my favor that I haven't messed up on the same things again after I was reminded/corrected on them. It feels like I'm dreadfully slow- today we were shortstaffed, and I was working by myself, and I fell way behind... and Stephanie came in and informed me that I needed to pick up the pace "because you have a difficult list, and you're really slow,".... And... um... yeah. I think I want to see if I can get day work hours for part/all of the time- because it would be so much nicer if I didn't have to deal w/Stephanie, and I think that I'd also be better off if I didn't have to work putting people to bed- there'd be less things to forget.

Tonight I felt a mixture between crying and screaming, and pulling my hair out, at work. Working with residents is enjoyable! I like helping them, and talking with them, etc. I'm not squeamish like I thought I might be. But after tonight, I feel really tempted to go job-hunting for something not at a nursing home, perhaps an office-assistant job, or a coffee shop, or something... or maybe some combination of a couple of them- but something different than this nursing home- because I don't think I'll grow to enjoy it- and that maybe I'm just not cut out for having to work with coworkers in that environment the same way. I like having time to work with people- actually spend time with them, that is... not race around taking care of them and not treating them like people who like to socialize and talk to me once in awhile. But today I actually didn't forget much in patients' rooms, and I didn't stand around doing NOTHING... I just guess I move sort of slowly over all while working there. Maybe I can find a home-health care job, or apply at the medical staffing solutions place to work as a "fill in" at different places... I don't know exactly. Just that this is frustrating me tonight... and that I dread going back tomorrow...

Sorry you're getting such an outpouring of words from me right now... but I'm a bit tired, and stressed, and I wish my prince was here to give me a hug, and pray with me, and tell me all will be ok.
I want a post-it note to fall from heaven telling me I'm making the right choices, and that things will work out well, because I'm doing the right thing. And I want to get a degree in something- and kind of want to take university classes- to be with the people, get the challenge, the education, the learning... but I don't want to spend more time in school- except for the pharmacy technician program that I want to take, and/or the massage therapist program that I want to take... that one by the way, is in Rice Lake at WITC, and I'm on its wait list... and I'm hoping to go to a meeting on Dec. 6th that could be a possibility to let me off the waiting list and into the course. Pray that it will open up and let me in- because first of all, it's something I really enjoy, second, it's an excuse to have way fewer work hours, and third, the program would take from Jan.through August, and then be DONE.
Just overall, pray for me, because I'm having a stressful time.