Connect the dots...

I have too many possibilities right now- like I'm standing at a crossroads of fifteen different roads, and all of them have something good about them, and something bad either visible to me or lurking in the shadows... and in one way I want to say "none of them are good- I want to fly away instead"... and at the same time, I do know which of the roads is most appealing to me- but it is also the one that trusted people tell me is fraught with danger... and so I wait- trying to find a suitable path for me right now- the one that God wants. I wish I could just make what I want automatically mold to be what God wants- or rather I wish I could make what God wants be what I want, and be able to choose selfishly... but I can't. And I wouldn't really exactly want to... I'm confused. Now would be a really good time for God to float me down a heavenly post-it note telling me what his plan for me is- or just the little immediate part of it- if I knew what He wanted me to do just this year... just after I finish my CNA.. where he wanted me to work, and for how long... I could deal with it. But it won't happen. And yet I still need to know what's going on.. what I can do about it all...
I am sure that at one level, this entire experience is meant to teach me to trust God more- because it is so easy for me to take my plans, call them MINE, and run with them, rather than letting Him choose my path... and then I am confused because I do know that as one pastor said recently in a message I heard- "God doesn't care WHAT you do nearly as much as HOW you do it, and how you live"... Whether you're a plumber or an executive or a missionary- your goal is the same- to glorify God in everything you do- and responsibilities remain the same- fulfill the great commission, be a witness, show God's love, etc...
I have this dream in my head of what I would love to have happen to me- where I'd like to be in 5 or 10 years... it would be me married to Eric, perhaps having the beginnings of a family, (a child or two) him working with his theatre ministry, (which would be flourishing,) and whatever else he had to do for work,... me probably working part time at a nursing home or hospital or somewhere with my CNA (like on some weekends or a few nights per week,)... or with massage therapy or pharmacy technician (or something else that God brings to me to learn).... (part time, however that would work)... and homeschooling whatever children I have... I can imagine it- that if I was working on one day, children would be with Eric and his theatre stuff- learning things from him, and getting quite an education... and then other days I'd be home teaching them their math and reading and science and history and everything else.... and helping Eric however I am able, being involved with his ministry and everything else.... and this would most likely come to take place in the northwest- OR or WA, and then there'd also be the closeness to Amy, and just... good. That's how it kind of plays out in my head, anyway... :)

My problem is it feels like a connect-the-dots with two dots and a massive blank space in the middle- like the picture is supposed to be something particular, but somebody went and erased all the dots between the beginning and the end- and while I can see where I want to end up, I have no idea how I am supposed to get there, what paths will be in the middle or how things will be shaped or what they will look like.